2022, The year to discover you.
Updated: Aug 3, 2022
Every new year comes the time to make a new resolution. Lose weight, quit smoking, weed things out of your life. We strive to be better to other people, promising to be a better parent to our child or child to their parent, the promise of being a better partner, student, teacher, the list goes on.
But who are you for you?
When no one else is around, when no one is there to judge your weight, habits or actions...how well do you treat yourself? This was a question I honestly didn't like the answer to. I constantly judged my clothes and my choices. I was mean to myself based on my appearance and how I broke out on my face. The amount of times I allowed others words to hurt me, bring me down or put me in my head was insurmountable to the amount of times I built myself up.
When I started falling in love with myself, I started to realize the parts of me I didn't like were not actually superficial. The inner parts of me weren't pretty because they weren't good to me. When I asked myself this question, "who are you for you?" I realized I was a bully. I bullied myself into believing I wasn't good enough or beautiful enough to be appreciated. I bullied myself into believing I wasn't worthy of the things I believed every other person was worthy of.
I took 2021 to be alone. No relationships, no distractions from myself or my journey and let me tell you, I am coming out of this year a completely reinvented person. I discovered parts of me that I have been holding back for so long. I opened wounds that I patched over with layers on band-aids hoping they'd stop bleeding one day. I sat awake multiple nights crying, heart filled with pain because I finally allowed myself to release so much that I bottled up. I started asking myself uncomfortable questions that I didn't like the answer to and tried to find ways to fix them. I realized how impatient I was and when I find myself losing that patience, I take a step back and talk myself down.
Am I healed? No. It's not that easy. It's not really possible to just allow yourself to cry and have all your problems solved. I am, however, easier on myself. I'm a lot kinder and more patient. I look myself in the eyes and constantly remind myself I am worthy. I am worthy of life, of love, of happiness and so much more than I've ever given myself credit for in the past.
So this year, there is no pressure for a specific resolution. Only discovery. Discovery of myself, of what I love, what makes me happy, what gets me out of bed in the morning and most importantly, who I am for me.
Who are you, for you?